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SOLSC: Day 11 The universe is conspiring against me

3/11/2021

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Today was the day to finish grading student work since term grades need to be finalized tomorrow. By noon. Of course, a noon deadline for teachers teaching all day isn’t really practical. Unless you have a planning block first thing in the morning. Which I do not. So I need to have it all together and ready to send to the higher powers that be, the office goddesses, before the kids come strolling in.
 
I am typically a hot emotional mess when it comes to getting grades in. They are my least favorite thing about teaching, hands down. But despite my lock of love for the ABCs of grading, I’m generally good under pressure and have an apparent affinity for deadlines that I run into hard, sweat flying. So today, after coming to terms with what had to be done, I was on track to slide into home, confident all grades could get done by the end of a long day if I worked all evening. I only had about thirty more pieces of student writing to review. 

Then something flew into my eye, sending me to the eye doctor after school, where he dilated my eyes, diagnosed a scratched cornea and told me I had the night off from grading.

Ah, the naivety of the uninitiated. There is no night off! There’s just a long panicked wait for vision to be restored while eating Ben & Jerry’s and listening to President Biden address the nation on the anniversary of the initial COVID lock down.  

And so here I sit. Holding my computer as far from my face as I can, the background dimmed as much as possible, slicing away. 

Grades are due tomorrow, but this slice needs to be in tonight!
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SOLSC: Day 10 Some days

3/10/2021

3 Comments

 
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Some days...
   I have no ideas
      I can’t even think
          My mind is a blank
            I’m perched on the brink

Other days...
   I’m a percolating wildly
      Raring to write
         Inspiration abundant -
            Just not tonight

A story, a poem, a snippet, a slice?
Any of them, frankly, would be awfully nice.
Instead I languish, wither, and droop
My mind in a feverish, perpetual loop

So today…
   I am kind 
      to this weary soul
         Tomorrow more will come
            That’s my goal

​
3 Comments

SOLSC: Day 9 Cinnamon buns and hot chocolate

3/9/2021

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I tell a story about a man, a hero who set this damsel free
from her bedroom imprisonment, 
as she watched leaves paint the sky,
dancing their way to the ground,
while heaven waited in the kitchen.

Sitting high on a hill in her pink and blue prison,
she mourned what she couldn’t reach -
freshly baked cinnamon buns, fresh out of the oven,
and hot chocolate, the elixir of childhood,
unattainable, unreachable, Just a floor below. 

A jammed lock. A door that won’t budge.
No real danger, yet she was in a frenzy of despair.
Despondent -
Alone -
No way out.

Enter hero dad, ladder in tow, 
climbing through the second story window, 
tool kit in hand, his smile a sun
Suffusing her soul with warmth.
Saved.

Whipping out his magician’s instruments,
He wrenched and drilled a portal
to the outside world.
His tools harbingers of liberation
to family and food and love.

As I finished my tale, a hush filled the room.
“Your dad sounds like a good guy.”
Pause.
Almost said, ‘was...he was a good guy’.
Stopped myself in the knick of time.

A salvaged gift, this imagining- 
a world where my dad still walks
where he might appear at my window
just in time for 
cinnamon buns and hot cocoa.

​
3 Comments

SOLSC: Day 8  Giving feedback

3/8/2021

6 Comments

 
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When I went to bed last night, my Day 7 slice hadn’t received any feedback. It bummed me out. It's amazing how a few supportive words can jumpstart enthusiasm for another post. And it got me thinking about two things: first, why I write in the first place, and second, what feed kind of feedback my students need.

To answer the first: I write to express, to explore, to create, and to understand what I think. To work things out. I’ve had stellar vicarious conversations for years, ones that are incredibly articulate and make me sound really smart.  They usually  happen in the car hours after an event that left me tongue tied or speechless. Writing has helped me move from living largely in the land of vicarious conversations to solid ground in the land of actual ones in real time. And reflecting on my reasons for writing helped me feel better. Writing yesterday's post helped me explore some thinking. So it did what I needed it to do.

To answer the second: My students need feedback that makes them feel heard. 
The ones I see over zoom, the ones I see in person two times a week, and the lucky few who’ve been granted access to in-person learning four days a week, they all crave connection that transcends the mask. We all do. And this year, as in none before, I see my students’ faces on line scanning their work, looking for my written cheerleading bites.  I’ve never before received so many ‘Thank you:)!!!’ replies to a simple message I’ve sent. 
​

It’s easy to get lost in the weeds here. If this short foray into slicing has taught me anything (and it has - another post) it’s that feedback doesn’t need to be much, and that it becomes easier the more we give it.  We just need to say something. As someone who’s always relied on sitting beside a child, pointing out what’s strong and offering a place to grow,  and chatting about the work, the importance of giving my students some kind of feedback on their work is not in question for me. I don’t, and certainly don’t, need to say a lot. I just need to say something that connects with what they wrote and what they’re trying to do. Something that makes them feel heard and valued. Something that lets them know they’re not alone in the swampland of drafts. Sometimes it’s a line I highlight that I love. Sometimes it’s sharing the way their writing made me feel. Sometimes, it’s a question that’s really an invitation to a deeper conversation.  Sometimes, it’s simply me giving a heartfelt ‘thank you’ for bravely putting their voice out into the world. 

I long ago moved past the “Good job” type of comment on student writing to more specific “I love how you…” I know that when I point out a craft move or a line that worked, students are more likely to replicate it. A few years ago at a TCRWP coaching institute, I was impressed by a teacher in a classroom in Queens, who made excellent use of Glow and Grow as a feedback tool. The idea is this: notice what glows in the students’ work, and offer a suggestion for a place to grow.  It’s helped my own students tremendously.  That simple working has made such a difference for me, and the teachers in my school who’ve also adopted it. It’s supportive and gives students focus for their revision efforts. 

In these pandemic times, I focus way more on the Glow, offering gentle Grows when ready. It matters most that my students know that I’m listening to them and am having a conversation with them. Not a vicarious one, but one rooted in the here and now. My students want my feedback. They want connection. They want to feel heard.

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SOLSC: Day 7 What's in a name?

3/7/2021

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I’ve been thinking a lot about names. The power of them, the meaning behind some of them, and how we get them. More and more, I have students in my classroom who are asking to be called by names other than the ones given to them at birth, seeking a truer reflection of who they are. 

Names are important. They’re our first glimpse of a person, a hazy outline to be filled in as we move toward greater discovery. But when the name paints an outline of pink when purple, blue, or some other color would be a better fit, it can cause discomfort. I started asking what pronouns a child uses in my back to school survey a few years ago. No child has ever wondered aloud why I include such a question. They answer, and I am informed. So when Haley asks to be called Noah, I listen and honor. When Charlie says she’s Camila, I listen and honor. 

My name is Mary. I was named as part of a bargain my mom made with Jesus’s mom. Way better than a deal with the devil, but complicated none-the-less. (That’s a whole other story) She promised, after wearily chasing after two boys under the age four, that if this one was a girl, she’d name her Mary. It worked; quite a cosmic trick.  She rejoiced in having her girl and raised me with different expectations from the ones she gave her boys.

But here’s the thing. What if I wasn’t a girl? What if I’d been born as a physical girl child, the answer to my mother’s prayer, but when the bargain was struck the die had already been cast, and the she, at the heart of it all, was really a he?

Because this happens. I see it every day in school. Kids whose insides don’t match their outsides, or sometimes, at times, they do. Binary labels don’t neatly fit and those who identify outside of such aren’t damaged or wrong. They’re not freaks or aberrations. They just are. Beautiful, complicated, inquisitive, struggling (sometimes so much) humans who desperately need a world to see and accept them for who they are: gifts, people, children.

I am grateful to them every day. For having the courage to show up, pave a way they shouldn’t have to, and try their best to ‘do school’ when there is so much that’s heavy in their lives.  They don’t need us to tell them who they are. They need us to hold space as they share who they are and own who they are. They, like all children, need guidance, love and support. Only then will they be open to receive all the pearls of wisdom we’re constantly dropping at their feet. 

So if she says she’s a he, believe him.
If he knows he’s a girl, believe her.
If the child in front of you answers to they and them, give them the gift of your love and courage.

​
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SOLSC: Day 6 We haven't properly met...

3/6/2021

6 Comments

 
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twelve word introductions, liberties taken,
let’s have a go - here it is:

twelve word bites intrigue this teacher,
can’t leave it alone, must riff

first, daughter, raised in New York
last one to a party of five

sister to boys, heroes for life,
‘speak up,’ they said, ‘be you’

thirty years married - a lifetime so far-
wife to a gentle man

coach, cook, confidant, caretaker, chauffeur
side hustle of a mother of four

in-law - joyful 
daughter-in-lawing, mother-in-lawing, sister-in-lawing

friend to many, dear to my heart,
soul-filling comfort and joy 

At the heart, me -
dreamer, creator, seeker, wanderer, mover, writer, adventurer

Mary
so glad we’ve met
may it be the start of something



​
6 Comments

SOLSC: Day 5 The perfect cup

3/5/2021

5 Comments

 
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She dreams about her first cup of coffee
the night before 
conjuring almost as much 
Joy
as drinking the first cup brings
the morning after - 
Anticipation 
is a celebration all its own

It all starts when he gets out of bed
windows dark
house still
lured by the dog’s barks and unable to sleep

She has no such trouble
the dog just chases squirrels in her dreams

stumbling into the dark kitchen with the
morning sun slowly illuminating the hub
as the days lengthen and spring
teases itself into existence

Upstairs, morning creeps over the windowsill
giving a gentle nudge

Inhaling Costa Rican richness he
tugs open the bag
scoops grounds into the magical mystery machine
and waits, a satisfied smile on his face

Or so she imagines 
upstairs, a tendril of deep roasted nuttiness curls its way into her dreams
the first humble beckoning of morning
and she can finally hit ‘end’ rather than ‘snooze’ 
on the alarm
and make her way downstairs to that
perfect first cup of coffee  - just
waiting for her

5 Comments

SOLSC: Day 4 YouTube worries

3/4/2021

3 Comments

 
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I suspect I am in trouble when the dog starts peeing on the camera at the 3 minute and 46 second mark of a 5 minute video. 
I know I am in trouble when the human in the video says, Shit! Don’t pee on the phone!
I am certain I am in trouble when that human enters the screen laughing, Fucking dog! 

It wouldn’t be so bad if I was at home where I watch most of my YouTube videos. But I am in class. In advisory block. With a bunch of 7th graders who don’t miss a beat.

I had actually previewed the video looking for the very thing I’d just let into my classroom. Vulgarity. Swears. Shit.

I had rejoiced upon finding the perfect funny pet video. It wasn’t easy. Once you start watching one funny pet video, they just keep coming, playing almost without pause in between. So finding the perfect one was a relief. I knew that spending five minutes laughing about the cute antics of furry friends would set just the right tone for our day, the first live class for my Cohort B kids in almost three  weeks. It would open up conversation and sharing and make us smile. I found the perfect video and attached it to my morning Google Slide. And then I shared that slide with the other 7th grade homeroom teachers. Because teachers are like that. We share. We ease each other’s burdens.

Now, technical glitches are nothing new, and it turns out, if you let the video keep running while trying to attach the URL into a Google Slide, sometimes you’re too slow. Sometimes you end up attaching the next video, the one you’d previewed and nixed due to questionable content. 

And now here I am, rushing to click the pause button on a video that actually wasn’t the one I’d so carefully selected. But I’m across the room and it’s wrapping up just as I get there. I hold my breath waiting for it. For someone to tell me what a terrible teacher I am. For another teacher to rush into my room with her hand across her mouth, and a look in her eyes that says, Thank God it wasn’t me.

It’s really hard to hear myself thinking with all the laughter and chatter around me though. 

So, I bet you weren’t expecting that, I say.

That was the best! 
Did you see that dog do a flip?
My dog can do that!
My cat  jumps off refrigerators too!
That cat…
That dog...

No one says a word about the swears. 
I’m not actually convinced they even noticed them.

I live to teach another day.

3 Comments

SOLSC: Day 3 - Armageddon

3/3/2021

1 Comment

 
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Words


Untethered 
unedited

self-serving

Populating the contrived world 
of soul-sucking self-promotion

Devoid of context -
Manufactured  meaning with
no b
asis in reality

The worst of the rumor mill

Once written
a thousand time read
a million times misinterpreted

Power packers demanding respect
handle with care


Tinder
in the wrong hands

sparking
​

Armageddon

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SOLSC: Day 2  A rose is a rose is a rose

3/2/2021

1 Comment

 
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Here’s a thing about me: I love a good love story, especially someone else’s. I like the simple ones that make me go ‘Awww’ and feel a little melty inside. I like the complicated ones that almost don’t happen, the ones that take lots of wine to tell and leave me feeling like I’ve run a marathon after listening to them, the ones best told in a small group where the listeners become a Greek chorus intoning incredulous ‘I can’t believe he….’ and indignant ‘No, she didn’t!’  I like the ones that are crazy roller coasters that leave your hair a mess - rough in the telling with a satisfying ending.

But if I’ve learned anything from reality tv, and believe me, I’ve logged hours to get these life lessons, it’s that love ain’t always so neat and easy. Sometimes that happy ending can be hard to find. Sometimes it takes about eight weeks, with lots of dating and heartfelt conversations that are open and real, to figure out what someone is truly made of and whether or not they’re ready to be someone’s person. 

Every Monday night I have a date with hot buttered popcorn, a cold beer, and people just looking for love. Real love. True love. Lasting love. The kind that can only be found in eight or nine weeks. Fake real love that may or may not last. Bachelor Nation kind of love. It’s so compelling. 

These beautiful people, all with bosses who allow them to walk away from their busy lives as Influencers or models or flight attendants, always seem to know the right thing to say. It’s almost like they have a script. They’re all so incredibly vulnerable and are there for all the right reasons. Except for the ones that aren’t and if they aren’t, we will hear about it. (Cue video confessionals and hot mics). Sometimes they have a hard time opening up to others, although they know, for sure, that their husband or wife is in the room with them at that very moment. They just have to trust the process and keep their hearts open. 

There’s drama to dwell on for days and if I miss anything, Reality Steve and People magazine have me covered. 
​

It’s a bit like watching a train wreck, but I'm rooting for fake real love every time.
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    Mary Archambault

    A story a day.
    I'll try it.

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